If you name your son “Ivan the Terrible” you probably shouldn’t be too surprised when he turns out to be a ruthless nazi concentration camp guard, no? Of course that’s neither here nor there but it’s something to think about for you young perspective parents out there. Not that I’m suggesting that any of you should be spawning anytime soon, after all, who wants to bring someone into a world that will be Mad Max-ian in a matter of 20 or 30 years. I’m being proactive and looking into purchasing land in Montana along with large underground storage tanks and you should be doing the same if you plan on living for a couple decades. That said it’s wise not to share that information with perspective employers, they can’t handle the truth.

”Where do you see yourself in 10 years, Mr. Abooey?”
“Frankly I see myself living on a hemp commune in Montana, Mr. Prospective Employer."
"Uh, thanks for coming in today, we'll be in touch."

Of course my current gas situation isn’t dire just yet, as I’ve figured out a way to scam the system. See, when you purchase a new car they give it to you with a full tank of gas. As such the plan is now to simply trade my car in every couple of weeks when it’s almost out of fuel! Simple, eh? It’s a darn shame the rest of the planet isn’t as intellectually evolved as I am. Especially those dopey Republicans. I find it hard to believe anyone would fall for the whole Drill Now, Drill here, Pay less tripe they’re trotting out. Uh, HELLO!!! An extra couple million barrels a day, TEN YEARS FROM NOW, isn’t going to lower your gas prices so just cut it out. Just stop it already. Retards. Ah well, the end is nigh for those dopey GOP'rs and when the dopey Dems take over you can bet they'll fix everything up poste haste.

I’ve been giving some consideration as of late to canceling my long distance carrier and one of my phone lines and just going with a cell phone. It will save me a few rupees which is needed as all the income generated from selling my plasma is now going to pay for the 1997 Chevy Nova. I’m watering down my plasma to make it go farther and to cop a few extra bucks but still, you can only generate so much of that stuff over a period of 24 hours. The 97 Nova is working out great thus far. I’ve been doing some reading on how to properly break in a new engine and the general consensus is you’re supposed to run them wide open all the time in order to get the rings to set right, so that’s what I’ve been doing. She’s smoking a bit, well, okay, a lot, but I hear tell that will go away after the rings finish setting.

Ah well, time to get moving. I've got to drop a suit off at the creaners, grab some lunch (a bowl of government cheese), then head to the park to eat and meditate with the old folk and whatnot. Seems like all I do these days is drop stuff off and pick stuff up from the creaners. That's the thing about wearing a suit, the whole "dry creaning" scam, which, much like Fermat’s second-to-last theorem, is generally not talked about a whole lot. Why is it a scam? Because the garment industry is certainly in cahoots with those heinous Chinese scalawags no doubt, as it would certainly be easy enough to make a "machine washable permanent press" suit that doesn't look like ass but they refuse to pony up and do it. Bah.